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I hate it when my heart hurts, things just arent the same yet.
everything in me hopes its gonna get back to normal, because if it doesnt, i swear its gonna break me.


so lemme start this out.
thursday at school,�she tells me that we should see less of each oher because shes growning apart from her friends, and that made me kinda upset, because we see ALOT�of each other, which is why i guess we got so close so fast, and we really were neglecting her friends, her more than me though.
then in the parking lot when i left, i was so upset that i almost hit the fence going like 40. I cannot drive slow when im upset. I felt like throwing up on the interstate. It was the most awful feeling. AND i had to go to work in like 30 minutes. I swear to you, i have never cried out loud so much in my life.
then at the game, as soon as i got there she left. I sent her a text asking why and she told me not to worry about it. Then she was like apos;i cant do this anymore, i thought i could change myself to be with you but i cant, im not ready for this (because shes not a relationship person at alllll.) and you push me to no0t smoke and do my homework ...etcetc.apos; and then the apos;i think we just need to be friends for right nowapos; and as soon as i read that, i had a panic attack. I couldnt breathe and i was heaving and hannah pulled me into her lap and i just cried my heart out. I have never felt so awful in my entire life. My heart felt like it was just gonna explode. Like i had lost something most important to me, and i didnt know where to go from there. And i know all of this sounds so dumb, but ive never felt about anyone the way i feel about christa.
the next day she wasnt at school, so i checked myself out after 5th hour and went home, and i had to go to her house later to get the homecoming tickets. When i got to her house she was laying in her bed, so i layed next to her and she put the covers over me and we just layed there together for awhile. No talking.
she put her arm around me and then i just started crying. Like 15 minutes went by and i asked her if she was gonna explain this, and she said she didnt have enough time to do school and friends and soccer and a good relationship. And the fact that she felt the same way about me that i feel about her scared her because she could get hurt. And i was like apos;well okay, so you want a break, like for how long? are we gonna get back together?apos;
and she was like apos;...were not broken up.apos;
and�i felt stupid.

and blah blah we talked a little bit more, and now i dont see her as much, which hurts me.
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